Speak Up Now
I didn’t know this would happen.
No one told me. Or warned me.
There could have been a simple scare
Somewhere between my 30th birthday surprise karaoke party
And that time I felt the earthquake in my car on Bronson and Sunset.
My voice was always clear, but was it truthful enough?
Did I hold in too much energy so much that I created a stale
Portal
through which something came and took hold as if to say
Now you have no choice but to speak up?
I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer in January of 2024 and this is my poetry journal.
The Hills
The Hills
The sadness climbs in, up over tiny hills of hopefulness
And moments of joy, watching Jennings fly down a hill,
Trying a slice of bread from a fresh loaf, sun-baked
Florida afternoon by a pool.
It takes little effort to cry alone in an elevator, the mask
I wear hides a frown in a grocery store aisle,
The smile doesn’t have to
Reach down close to my sternum where all the rocks sit
At the bottom of the hills, the darling, fragile hills
The sadness climbs in, up over tiny hills of hopefulness
And moments of joy, watching Jennings fly down a hill,
Trying a slice of bread from a fresh loaf, sun-baked
Florida afternoon by a pool.
It takes little effort to cry alone in an elevator, the mask
I wear hides a frown in a grocery store aisle,
The smile doesn’t have to
Reach down close to my sternum where all the rocks sit
At the bottom of the hills, the darling, fragile hills
Easy
Easy
It’s easy. Down the nose, a little numbing spray.
It’s easy. Down down down, burning, burning.
It’s easy. Cancer.
It’s easy. Mouth numb, dizzy, nurse talks.
Walks me out.
It’s easy. Down the nose, a little numbing spray.
It’s easy. Down down down, burning, burning.
It’s easy. Cancer.
It’s easy. Mouth numb, dizzy, nurse talks.
Walks me out.
Fireface
Fireface
Dusty counter tops, water bottles with pink juice, nails
Tap on the counter next to a Post-It
X-Ray technician did not eat “my beef”
Not enough time, she said, hot pink fireface
Outside the sun shines inside where we all
Wait, where did I set my glasses, next to white lady
White hair, slouched, staring, white coat, ghost lady
Technician paces to and fro, “not clocked in yet”
Lady takes me back, “have it so hard”, robe fluffs out
I imagine taking a nap on the floor, tired from exams
While fireface flaps fervently, “I take care of you”
Hip hikes high, ouch, snap, “they schedule every five minutes”
Under the robe half shaven thighs stand firm, no
Words are spoken my eyes focus on the steel bar
“Five minutes too close”, turn, pigeon toe, hold hold
Done. Time to move across the hall.
Dusty counter tops, water bottles with pink juice, nails
Tap on the counter next to a Post-It
X-Ray technician did not eat “my beef”
Not enough time, she said, hot pink fireface
Outside the sun shines inside where we all
Wait, where did I set my glasses, next to white lady
White hair, slouched, staring, white coat, ghost lady
Technician paces to and fro, “not clocked in yet”
Lady takes me back, “have it so hard”, robe fluffs out
I imagine taking a nap on the floor, tired from exams
While fireface flaps fervently, “I take care of you”
Hip hikes high, ouch, snap, “they schedule every five minutes”
Under the robe half shaven thighs stand firm, no
Words are spoken my eyes focus on the steel bar
“Five minutes too close”, turn, pigeon toe, hold hold
Done. Time to move across the hall.
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